once i had a dream that my cat was working at mcdonalds w/ me and she had a lil uniform and she kept getting fur in the fries and everyone was yelling at me and saying “ur cat sucks on fries” and i was like “shes just a cat give her a break!” and i woke up crying
roses are red
violets are blue
For Lent I’m just giving up in general
Don’t drink and derive.
This Is How Koalas Run
if i was meryl streep i’d make sure every fucker on the planet knew i was meryl streep. i’d call up the pizza place like “hello, i’d like some pizza, for me, meryl streep. i am meryl streep. please deliver the pizza to meryl streep’s house, on meryl street. thank you, from me, meryl streep.”
when i was in elementary someone told me that if a person has two different colored eyes that theyre bisexual and I’ve believed it up til 8th grade
what if people got a new name every birthday
what if the name represented how old you were, like every 11 year old was named Josh
"I had my first kiss when I was Greg"
this wasn’t supposed to get notes
please stop romanticizing Lord Farquad
john travolta introducing idina menzel